Thursday, May 17, 2012

A business Woman I am Not (part 2)

(for part 1, go here)

At this point, I'm all who am I and why am I here, and does whale outta ocean ring a bell??

And I have to go to the bathroom!

They then proceed to PRESENT us with their proposal for the space, complete with fiber and cabinet samples. I am hearing words like elegant and vast, upscale and universal appeal.

How do you ask "where are the facilities" tactfully, in a business meeting?

I was seriously contemplating which would be more embarrassing, peeing right there in their designer showcase space, or interrupting the meeting like some kind of overgrown toddler with a where's the bathroom question, when the builder said "lets talk about paint colors"! Really, paint colors I thought, do you have any idea how many paint colors there are? Then miss size four broke out Martha's paint swatches. "These are unbelievably remarkable" she swooned as she splayed out 5000 shades of wonderful. I squeezed my legs together and started to shake.

Lets review a few of the phrases I used in this meeting with the size four interior designer with six inch heels, shall we?

"That would be great if we wanted it to look like every other commercial space in this area."

"If we want it to be stamped with 2012 for the next 22 years we could do that."

"Eight foot ceilings can not scream elegant, no matter what you do to them."

"No amount of pillows or vases is going to infuse color into beige walls."

Maybe I could get rich if I wrote a book on what not to do or say in a business meeting.

By the time we left, size 4 was cold.

Michael asked me if I thought HE had offended her?? Ummmmmm, "no" I stammered, "I don't think so".

I even asked the builder why there were no fish in the ginormous and conspicuously empty fish tank that was obviously once the centerpiece of his Hoyty toyty lobby. "they died" was his curt reply.

It was not good.

I will not be entering the corporate work force any time soon.
Thank Goodness!

Me, and my not size four white Capri's, slunk to my minivan and back to our Island lair, and got back to wrangling laundry and dog hair.

And guiding young hearts toward a love for Jesus.....lets not forget that one.

After I used the bathroom of course.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Business Woman I am Not (part 1)

Yesterday I was invited to my first business meeting ... by my husband, but that counts, right??

It kinda sounds lame that at my age I'm having my first business meeting, but what can I say?

I've had meetings at places I worked a hundred years ago, but they were all, you need to do this better, and that should be changed, and this is our new menu, and sell, sell, sell.

Then there were things like meetings with the lawyer to sign the buying a house papers, and I was all, I might as well be just a hand, while I sign my life away.

There were also the countless Doc appointments, and therapist visits for sick baby Crockett, which can be meetingish, but are far more emotionally charged, and more heart cutting outish than anything.

Church meetings every Wednesday night since I was to young to even know it was Wednesday don't count, nor do the committee meetings for this or that woman's groups, which were never really more than taking turns listening to ourselves talk, opened with prayer of course.

Had I known this was a REAL business meeting, I would have stressed more. This was one time I was glad I didn't know ahead of time. No level of beforehand stress and preparation would have made me ready for this.

I quickly changed out of my mom uniform into something that I hoped wouldn't embarrass him, and threw on some make-up, but without a whole lot of forethought. Just after slinging some mac and cheese at the girls, and scarfing down a chicken breast and a gallon of water (don't even ask) I was off.

"Just meeting with the decorator", he said, "just want you there to hear her ideas", he said. Then on the way he mentioned the builder might also be present.

I had to go to the bathroom.

Here's the background:

My man works for a very large corporation as the head of one of their divisions. The building that houses he and his division is soon to be demolished by said corporation for the express purpose of some kind of entertainment rock climby thingama whatcha whoeven cares something. that means he and his staff will be moving into a much smaller, ummmmm can we say  HIDEOUS space. That won't do, cuz we are talking costumers and lots of whosumwhatchits that will see it and need to feel impressed slash comfortable or something. So he, with the help of the people in this meeting, is hoping to transform the space into something.....less hideous.

Cut to meeting.

Upon entering a large impressive building we are ushered into the "meeting". There, we shake hands and introductions fly all around. I may or may not remember even a single name. Then size four with six inch heels and short flirty skirt emerges from behind her bright red apple (the computer not the fruit).
Her once over is excruciating, and my white Capri's want to dig a hole in the slick stained concrete floors and bury us all alive. The builder, and his right hand cabinet maker guy are all.......oh, who really cares what they are all, cuz that size four is still looming ever large and intimidatingly size fourish, Not to mention those six inchers.