The sporadic observations and creative experiments of amy, who loves paper, fabric, food, paint, photos, family, and jesus, but not in that order.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I have been a bear to live with lately. I don't know why exactly. One minute I cry, the next I yell. I am short on patience, and even shorter on understanding. I feel like a cloud is hanging over my head ready to envelope me at a moments notice. At times it is overwhelming, and at others it is off in the distance taunting me. I tried to explain to the children this morning, that Momma was having a hard time. I apologized ahead of time for how I might act that day. How insane is that, I thought just minutes later. Apologizing for something you have not yet done, but are sure you will do? At the time I thought it was a good idea, maybe it would give them a thicker skin if they knew it was coming, like they could brace themselves against the harshness or irrational behavior to come. Where is the faith in that for me? Where is my trust in a God who can save me from myself if only I rest in him, if I have already admitted defeat before the battle? My thoughts turned to not only compassion for my children, but repentance for my SIN. Does my mood, or my circumstance excuse my actions,? of course not. Does the fact that sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is hard change my God's standard for my life? of course not.