Every year there are Easter dresses, and before, when there were boys, it was fresh Sunday Khakis, and spring colored Polos. Some years the dresses came from a pretty dress shop, and more recently I smocked them myself. It is tradition. My Mom made dresses for me, and I for mine.
This year, I had them planned. I bought the fabric months ago, lilac cotton with smocked clover for Liza, and eyelet over lilac shift for Haven. But spring came early on this Island, and procrastination won. I lost my glasses, and my ever returning stiff neck makes sewing hard, and all of the sudden, it was Easter week!
I knew I could do it, every afternoon I could smock, stay up late and sew, while Liza repeated math facts and read from her primer I could hem. I new I could make it happen, and in my heart I wanted it. I wanted Easter morning to bring, new dresses on their backs, baskets in their hands, and smiles on their faces. It was tradition.
So the NO's began. no we can't go to the pool, no we can't go on a bike ride, no we can't have a picnic, no we can't color eggs, read that book, walk the dog together, do a puzzle, play a game, watch a movie, go there, do this, NO NO NO. and I felt myself tighten like a top with the weight of not being able to say yes, and still do the dresses.
I sat them down, and I said
"look deep into Mamma's eyes",
and four big brown eyes looked up from the step where they sat waiting for the big something momma was going to say.
"I can make your new Easter dresses. I want to make your new Easter dresses, but if I do, I will have to work on them from now until Saturday night, and there will be more NO's, and less YES's until after Easter."
"Or" I continued,
"you can wear last years dresses"
(I had to swallow hard at this point, because a big part of me really wanted to make those dresses happen),
"and we can spend more time saying YES this week".
They didn't even hesitate, they new what they wanted.
I was really sad inside.
It is hard to let go sometimes.
Then Liza said,
"can we color eggs now Momma?",
and I said "YES".
I was really happy inside.
It is nice to let go sometimes.